enlightenment
May 2008 
A toast to the Aussies
Posted on Dec 28th, 2007
by 
Zimmaron
Zimmaron
After weeks of craziness trying to get the DVD released we could not finish it in time for the Australia tour. Go figure… our personal agendas got in the way. Staying up late and waking up early only created sleep deprivation and eventual refinements from Pranananda. The basic gist of it was that we did not have God in the equation and we lost sight of Pranananda’s golden rule: people always come first… above all else… including taking care of ourselves.
Within days I found myself in Australia and shifting gears in preparation for a series of events where I would not only assist but would also be filming for the documentary and for the movie website experience which will launch early in the new year. With a few minor tweaks in our focus we have managed to create greater harmony as a team and the production is now underway.
Upon arrival at Melbourne airport we were greeted by familiar faces from the Australian ashram and also my beloved parents. Later that evening we had an ashram dinner with all the Melbournian folk which was a great reconnect for me. Some of these people I had not seen in years… in some cases as far back as the India pilgrimage (2002) or longer.
The week prior to Pranananda’s arrival involved working on putting together some of the promo materials for the documentary which would be on display at the OZ events. On a personal level, there was still an aura of weirdness about my being in the ashram. While I did slip right in, there was still a level of feeling a little on the outside and not feeling confident with who I am and where I fit into the scheme of things. This was strange considering that within weeks of me announcing my return I found myself on the Board of Directors for the Foundation and producer of a DVD and documentary.
The thing is that I used to have a very personal friendship with my Guru, above and beyond the teacher student relationship. With all that has transpired with my move I am still feeling my way around and am not assuming anything. There had been a level of avoidance there, one that had carried through all areas of my life, denial of the God within me.
Ultimately I came back for a relationship with my divine self, and all these titles and things are nothing more than vehicles for growth and expansion. Somehow in a very short period of time it really felt like God was shoved off to the side. That is the reason for the recent refinements within the production team. In the past my ego had gotten very invested in defining myself by all the events I produced or the titles that I held – that time was now to be over if I was to finally succeed in the way that I deserve.
After stripping myself of everything, I once again found what was real. I have been humbled and let me tell you it is already proving to be a wild ride. I now fully remember the gift of being here, what the Guru offers, and how magical life can be even though it feels like I am being dragged naked across a bed of glass sometimes. Ha! When coming back on-line it is true that I could feel my ego getting invested in my role and position, so I would desperately pull back to compensate, get centered, and remember who I am and what is most important. That has been the struggle these past few weeks. Out with the old me and in with the new.
It just so happened that the other day I was talking with someone about this very topic. It was about how people in the past people held me in such a high regard and how many were excited about my return. I believed it was because of all that I had done as far as my accomplishments. This person politely corrected me of that misperception. She said as far as she was concerned, and probably the same with most other people in the ashram, who have renounced the world and are not impressed by those things, said that maybe I should consider that it was because of me. How I am, my honesty, my openness, and the person that I am. I was dumbstruck. I had never considered that. Flashes of my relationship with my love and how she has constantly reminded me that very same thing spun before me. It was a little weird to think that people liked me because of me. What I discovered was more remnants of how I still judge myself by accomplishments… another humbling.
With all the filming in public places, the attention that we have received thus far, no matter how big or small our egos have definitely already come into the picture. Pranananda has swooped in a few times to save the day as far as nip it in the butt to protect the making of this film and us. He informed of us how with even such a small production, barely out the door, how people with our level of experience and proximity to him can get caught up in entitlement, vanity, arrogance, that it is no wonder that most people that accumulate fame and wealth in the industry end up destroying themselves eventually.
It really wasn’t until a week ago that my integration back into the fold finally came to full completion. After having a lack of integrity with my finances revealed, to difficult to explain here, I needed to go to Pranananda to apologize. This was only days after my loss of job and being stripped of almost everything. It was spectacular. I ended up sitting at His feet for almost 3 hours. Talking, revealing, predicting, seeing, and connecting in ways that I have needed to feel reassured within myself and comfortable in my walk this time around.
Our relationship has been much more relaxed since then. With Christmas coming and going, and other smaller events, I have been feeling relatively good about myself most of the time. Our big evening event that kickoff this tour also went off without a hitch. Pranananda blessed each attendee gifting them with much more than the eye could see. Some people wailed and cried, others laughed, some went into shakti (divine bliss), as He touch, anointed, healed, and spoke words of revelations to each person who stepped up to receive His darshan. While watching this I found myself holding back the tears reminiscing about all that I have been through on my journey, how grateful I was to be here, and also to acknowledge and become more aware of the resistance to love that I still have.
Why I do still surprises me… but I know what lies at the end of the tunnel and it is more than anyone could ever imagine. Much more…
Z
Within days I found myself in Australia and shifting gears in preparation for a series of events where I would not only assist but would also be filming for the documentary and for the movie website experience which will launch early in the new year. With a few minor tweaks in our focus we have managed to create greater harmony as a team and the production is now underway.
Upon arrival at Melbourne airport we were greeted by familiar faces from the Australian ashram and also my beloved parents. Later that evening we had an ashram dinner with all the Melbournian folk which was a great reconnect for me. Some of these people I had not seen in years… in some cases as far back as the India pilgrimage (2002) or longer.
The week prior to Pranananda’s arrival involved working on putting together some of the promo materials for the documentary which would be on display at the OZ events. On a personal level, there was still an aura of weirdness about my being in the ashram. While I did slip right in, there was still a level of feeling a little on the outside and not feeling confident with who I am and where I fit into the scheme of things. This was strange considering that within weeks of me announcing my return I found myself on the Board of Directors for the Foundation and producer of a DVD and documentary.
The thing is that I used to have a very personal friendship with my Guru, above and beyond the teacher student relationship. With all that has transpired with my move I am still feeling my way around and am not assuming anything. There had been a level of avoidance there, one that had carried through all areas of my life, denial of the God within me.
Ultimately I came back for a relationship with my divine self, and all these titles and things are nothing more than vehicles for growth and expansion. Somehow in a very short period of time it really felt like God was shoved off to the side. That is the reason for the recent refinements within the production team. In the past my ego had gotten very invested in defining myself by all the events I produced or the titles that I held – that time was now to be over if I was to finally succeed in the way that I deserve.
After stripping myself of everything, I once again found what was real. I have been humbled and let me tell you it is already proving to be a wild ride. I now fully remember the gift of being here, what the Guru offers, and how magical life can be even though it feels like I am being dragged naked across a bed of glass sometimes. Ha! When coming back on-line it is true that I could feel my ego getting invested in my role and position, so I would desperately pull back to compensate, get centered, and remember who I am and what is most important. That has been the struggle these past few weeks. Out with the old me and in with the new.
It just so happened that the other day I was talking with someone about this very topic. It was about how people in the past people held me in such a high regard and how many were excited about my return. I believed it was because of all that I had done as far as my accomplishments. This person politely corrected me of that misperception. She said as far as she was concerned, and probably the same with most other people in the ashram, who have renounced the world and are not impressed by those things, said that maybe I should consider that it was because of me. How I am, my honesty, my openness, and the person that I am. I was dumbstruck. I had never considered that. Flashes of my relationship with my love and how she has constantly reminded me that very same thing spun before me. It was a little weird to think that people liked me because of me. What I discovered was more remnants of how I still judge myself by accomplishments… another humbling.
With all the filming in public places, the attention that we have received thus far, no matter how big or small our egos have definitely already come into the picture. Pranananda has swooped in a few times to save the day as far as nip it in the butt to protect the making of this film and us. He informed of us how with even such a small production, barely out the door, how people with our level of experience and proximity to him can get caught up in entitlement, vanity, arrogance, that it is no wonder that most people that accumulate fame and wealth in the industry end up destroying themselves eventually.
It really wasn’t until a week ago that my integration back into the fold finally came to full completion. After having a lack of integrity with my finances revealed, to difficult to explain here, I needed to go to Pranananda to apologize. This was only days after my loss of job and being stripped of almost everything. It was spectacular. I ended up sitting at His feet for almost 3 hours. Talking, revealing, predicting, seeing, and connecting in ways that I have needed to feel reassured within myself and comfortable in my walk this time around.
Our relationship has been much more relaxed since then. With Christmas coming and going, and other smaller events, I have been feeling relatively good about myself most of the time. Our big evening event that kickoff this tour also went off without a hitch. Pranananda blessed each attendee gifting them with much more than the eye could see. Some people wailed and cried, others laughed, some went into shakti (divine bliss), as He touch, anointed, healed, and spoke words of revelations to each person who stepped up to receive His darshan. While watching this I found myself holding back the tears reminiscing about all that I have been through on my journey, how grateful I was to be here, and also to acknowledge and become more aware of the resistance to love that I still have.
Why I do still surprises me… but I know what lies at the end of the tunnel and it is more than anyone could ever imagine. Much more…
Z
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